If you are reading this you are probably wondering either “How the hell did I end up at this strange blog?” or maybe “Why is this fifteen year old girl obliged to talk about her sexuality when she hasn’t even fully figured herself out yet?”
The first one, I can’t really answer but I’m guessing you’ve just spent a little to much time searching the corners of the internet and have randomly come across someone as irrelevant as me. If you are here though, welcome! I hope you find my struggles entertaining.
The second one I can answer. I am a fifteen year old pansexual girl. But that isn’t what you want to know, right? What you want to know is why, at my age, do I think that I can be so sure of my sexuality and speak about it on the internet.
The answer is Simply complicated. It is either incredibly simple or extremely complicated depending on who you are.
I started this blog a couple weeks ago, on this writing website. I started it under an anonymous name and have only just began writing what I feel without a single worry about what troubles the words I write will bring to me. I have so many opinions, ideals, thoughts, stories and secrets that I want to write about under my own name, so people can know that this is me. But I can’t because for me to put pen and ink to a page and write is to start a war with words, where the front line of the enemy consists of my friends and family. So I write this under the name of a nobody, an Jane doe, an Alice. I can write this as someone who has no strings holding me in place like a marionette, yanking me around and forcing me into having safe opinions. I have this ideal that anyone who can speak freely, share their ideas, creativity, opinions, then staying silent is a crime. If you can write the very thoughts that appear in your mind and you don’t then you are selfish. The world needs to hear your thoughts. I want to be able to write under my real name, I want to write as a lair finally speaking the truth; in paragraphs of poetry. I want to be able to write without the repercussions of the truth.
But I am not able to, so that my dear viewer is why I feel the need to write about my sexuality, why I feel the need to explain that teenagers feelings are just as valid as adults. Even though I can’t write any of this under my real name it is still as important to me. So here I go trying to explain, hear me out.
1.not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.I like boys. I like girls. I like other. I like human beings. That is the simplest way I can put this. For as long as I can remember up to about a year and a half ago I have only ever liked boys, yet I was completely open to the idea of going out with a girl I was simply never attracted to any. A year and a half ago I fell in love with my best friend who just happened to be a girl, but I did not fall in love with her vagina. Just like when I fall in love with a guy, I do not fall in love with his penis. I actually could care less what someone has in their pants, a vagina, a penis, a pineapple, it literally would not matter to me. Because when I fall in love I fall in love with someone’s personality. Of course looks can be important but hearts have always mattered more to me than parts. I am dating a girl right now and I have dated boys, I am open to dating anyone on the gender scale, trans, non-binary, girl, boy, neither, I don’t discriminate.For the people like my parents who said loving the same gender is a choice. YOU ARE WRONG! I did not make the choice to fall in love with my best friend who happens to be a girl. No one ever attempts to fall in love, it catches you off guard and most of the time it is inconvenient. Let me ask you something, did you choose to fall in love with your spouse? Or did it just happen?I do not order my heart around, In fact most of the time my heart is the one in control.Case in point : I am Pansexual. I love anyone and everyone despite what they have or do not have in their pants. To the girls, boys, and gender rebels, Stay strong. ❤ There will come a day when everyone is just as valid as everyone else in till then keep fighting. If this is a war don’t be the first to give up.“No one in America should ever be afraid to walk down the street holding hands with the person that they love.” ~ Barack Obama.(Pansexual Alice)