I’m so tired during the day, I find myself slipping off into my dreams instead of focusing on the problems of my realities.

I’m so tired during the night but I can’t sleep. My eyelids will grow heavy and I will toss and turn, trying to get comfortable but never finding a cure for my discomfort. I’ll stare at the back of my eyelids in till I grow tired of the off grey color and then open them seeking familiarity from the glow in the dark stars above my bed. Seeing these will only make me nostalgic for times I’ve never experienced. It will make me want to see the night sky without the effects of light pollution, dimming the stars and erasing them from the human eye.

I’ve started up a hurricane now, a hurricane within my mind. Thoughts come on after another and I find myself trying to keep up. I’ll leave the security of my bed and with it any hope of actually falling asleep and I will go sit in the window and stare at the sky.

I am obsessed with the moon. Maybe it started with me, using the existence of it to prove my parents wrong. They said, like many other parents before them. “You don’t actually feel like that. It’s just a phase you are going through.” I looked them in the eyes and opened my sketch book, I pulled out a picture and I held it out to them. “No, Mom. The Moon phases, I do not.”

I love the idea that if I’m ever lonely I can just look up and think; someone else is looking at the moon too and maybe, they care just as much as I do.

I love the story’s people tell about how the moon fell in love with the sun. I think of the sun and the moon as lovers, literal star-crossed lovers. They rarely meet, are constantly tailing each other just for a glimpse of the others beauty, but they almost always miss each other. But once in a long while, they do catch up, and they kiss. If only for a few seconds they are happier and the whole world will stare in awe of their eclipses. Each story is different but all of them are the same. As if some  thread of fantasy connects each one because the way the moon loved the sun was legendary. I’m absolutely in love with the moon and everything else that is tragically unreachable.

When I’m tired and can’t sleep, I will always return to the one thing that won’t be sleeping either. I will have late night conversations with the Moon. He tells me about the sun and sometimes if it hurts less, I’ll tell him about you.

“There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. ” ~ George Carlin

( Tired Alice.)

 

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