A·nat·o·my
noun
noun: anatomy; noun: anat.
  1. 1.
    the branch of science concerned with the bodily structure of humans, animals, and other living organisms, especially as revealed by dissection and the separation of parts.
    • the bodily structure of an organism.
  2. 2.
    a study of the structure or internal workings of something.
    “Machiavelli’s anatomy of the art of war”
     

     

    What comes to mind when you think of high school and teenagers? Is it a loud high school cafeteria separated by each group or cliché? Is it loud, confident, cocky teens having wild party’s, drinking beer and smoking pot? Now I’m not going to tell you that all teens are not like that because yes some are, but I think society’s outlook on teenagers have been spun by some fantasy. All of those movies that I used to watch as a kid always spun up this idea that my teenage years would make me feel invincible, confident, wild and youthful. But I’ve found that despite teenagers being so vastly different that we all have something in common with each other. Let me tell you about the Anatomy of a teenager. I’ll give you a hint; Fear.

    Did you know that an estimated 2.8 million adolescents suffer from depression, anxiety and insecurity?

    Another twist of that soda bottle but something important about me is that I am and for as long as I can remember have been an observer. I’m quite and a lot of the time I find myself watching the world pass by around me instead of actually engaging in it. This is how I’ve come to my hypothesis that everyone is afraid. I’ve seen Cheerleaders have panic attacks in the hidden corners of rarely visited restrooms. I’ve seen Jocks flinch because their friends make a joke about sexuality that hits a little to close to home. I’ve seen the class clown break down in tears because having people not laugh with him but at him had become to much to handle. I’ve seen the bullies glance at each other afraid that if they let their angry façade slip they might be the next to get their teeth kicked in. I’ve seen the shy girl who sits behind me in algebra run out of class because the teacher called her up to the board to answer a question because she was terrified she’d get it wrong. I’ve seen my own friends put on such a brave face when faced with teasing and name-calling in the halls before slowly shaking apart in the back of class when nobody is looking.

    I think teenagers are so afraid because we’ve yet to find our definite place in the world. Sometimes it feels like we are floating, waiting for someone else to tell us how we are supposed to fit in. We’re scared that we’ll be picked last like when we line up for the two team captains to choose our sides and maybe this time we won’t be picked at all. We’ll just stand there forever, shaking and terrified that nothing will ever happen to us.

    I think we are afraid because sometimes we feel like there’s something wrong with us; like we’re freaks of nature who were supposed to be erased from existence before we even got a chance to exist, but something in the fabric of the universe malfunctioned and the wrong people were erased instead. The people who were erased were the smarter, more beautiful versions of ourselves, the perfect versions and we are only accidents, mistakes. We feel like idiots who can’t do anything right, who are destined to be destroyed by our own moronic thoughts, and whose hands are covered with the blood of all our slaughtered dreams and our shoulders weighed down by the guilt and fear that we will mess up again.

    But another thing about teenagers that you probably already knew, we are complicated beings. At other times, it doesn’t feel like the universe screwed up. Other times, it feels like the blurry hopes we seek through alcoholic goggles match up with the solid darkness or our realities and they look just right. Like a mirage of our failures mixed with the beauty of our spur of the moment happiness. It looks like everything that happens to us happens for a reason. Suddenly if only for a while, life doesn’t seem so bad anymore. Suddenly it looks and feels so… not perfect but tragically flawed in the best way possible.

    From the most confident teen to the most suicidal, depressed, and terrified one we are all scared of something. Some of us just hide it better than others.

    “Despite everyone always saying that the youth are invincible, confident and cocky, the secret is we never were… We are the ones who are afraid.”~ David Levithan.

    ( Fearful Alice)

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